Caught Not Taught

Let's just be real for a second.

This most magical time of year for the entire rest of the family is more like mandatory overtime for the mothers of young children.

The cooking and cleaning and surprise making.  The wrapping  and shopping and budget keeping.  It's a lot to juggle.

In the middle of it all, we are trying to show our kids that it's more than just the gifts.  And at the end of our well crafted, 20 minute, Holy Spirit,guilt-ridden lecture on how they should think about others and pray for those that are hurting and come to the aid of those in need they ask why they can't have an ipod for Christmas again this year.

Sigh.

It leaves me feeling a little deflated.  A little disappointed.  A little hopeless.

This time of year I get the deadly combination of lofty expectations and shortsightedness.  I want so much for my kids to 'get it' and to have a servant's heart.  I want them to start thinking less often of themselves.  I want them to move beyond the presents into His Presence.

But I forget they are 10..and 9...and 7....and 4.  And that slow and steady wins the race.  And that these valuable lessons are learned not through the lecture but by the lens of their own eyes.  Not only to pray for the poor, but to go out and actually meet some poor people.  Instead of remembering the hungry, to prepare some food for them.  To put some feet on this gospel-driven, life-changing love we have been shown.   Our spiritual heart is a kinesthetic learner.

And I am reminded that is what Christ's birth was for me.  Love came down.  He didn't just think about me.  He came to me....the poor, the hungry, the needy.  He didn't lecture me.  He wrapped himself in humanity for me.  To show me what His marvelous love was all about.

For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.

Matthew 20:28

So moms, might I encourage you to breathe this week?  To take in His great grace.  To leave the lectures for the professors and roll up our sleeves instead.  To model for our kids the kind of servant's heart we desire for them.  And to do it diligently.  Year after year, day after day.  Because His promises are true.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9

O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
And my song shall ever be:
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
Is my Savior's love for me!

That Moment You Show Up In Nothing But Your Underwear

So nothing says 'Ho, Ho, Ho!  Merry Christmas'  like a quick trip to the big city with six kids to see a Christmas play and then walking out to find your van has a flat tire.  Right at lunch time.  Did I mention six kids?

But let me just say this.  Things could have been worse.  Because I had these two AMAZING friends who volunteered to take said six kids to the park for lunch and to play while I got my tire fixed.

And then, there was the God moment.

Sometime God graces us with beauty that leaves us speechless, or with love so deep and rich it brings us to tears.  And then there are times he graces us with 3 construction workers.

There I stand with the flat tire and rumbling stomachs and all these Yahoos asking 'What are we going to do?'  'Is Dad going to be mad?'  'When are we going to eat?'  When these three wonderful men saw us and obviously felt pity for this poor unfortunate soul of a woman.  They come straight over and offer to change the tire.

Hallelujah and Amen.

I frantically get the jack and tools they'll need and act like I know what I'm doing.  Then I tell them where the spare is at. And how do you get to that?  Well you have to take out the middle passenger seat.

And there it is.  That moment.  You know the one.  Like in your dream where you show up to preach the sermon in nothing but your underwear.  Well, strangers and friends seeing the nooks and crannies of my 8 year old, child-infested, moldy french fry laden van is my underwear moment.  I shudder just thinking of it.  I  made excuses.  I apologized.  I threw up a little.  But these people.  These people were fantastic.  They were dads and moms too.  They showed kindness and grace.

This is probably not an accurate depiction of my van.  But it does help with affect.  

And within a few minutes my spare was on.  All I had to offer these guys were some chocolate chip cookies I had made for me the kids after lunch.  I mean, I'm not gonna lie.  They were good.  Toll House knows their cookie business.  But really?  Cookies in exchange for saving me 3 hours of work and all the sanity left in this wearied body?  Pitiful.

Two of the three saints from yesterday.  The other one you might be able to see wedged underneath the van getting the %@&#$ spare tire out.  It was hard.  So they said.  

So I took advantage of that humiliating teachable moment to clean out my van this morning.

And as I was cleaning I started thinking.

These people with me yesterday showed me so much grace and kindness.  No shame, no blame.  Just love. And that sweet act led my heart to give thanks and to clean out my van.  Without shame.  Without begrudging it.  Joyfully.

And so it is with God working in my life.  God graces and loves me.  He shows up in my humiliating underwear moments.   As he showers me with kindness, the spiritual mold on my heart shows up.   I apologize.  I make excuses.  But his kindness leads me to repentance.    He makes me want to dig down deep and clean out the nooks and crannies of my heart.

Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

Romans 2:4  

So a big shout out to the construction workers on the top level of the Victorian Square Parking Garage.   And also to the 7 cars behind me as I left the parking garage and couldn't find my wallet in all the chaos that was my minivan so I had to get out and walk back to my friend who graciously let me use her credit card to get out of that place.  And to the guy that completely had the right of way at the light, but because it took me 27 minutes to get through the intersection with my spare tire on I might have cut off a little.  My apologies to you all.  It was an underwear moment kind of day.

Moonlighting

The Honey has been moonlighting as a Soybean Cowboy

And he loves it.  And I love it for him that he loves it.  He comes home tired and satisfied and ready to do it all over again tomorrow.

But when he comes home, it is midnight and I'm asleep.  Which leaves me somewhat lonely.

Loving through loneliness is not the easiest thing for me.   All  the quiet leaves dead air.  Dead air that I end up filling with ugly thoughts like "What about me?" and "If he's too busy for me then why should I try?"

And it made me start thinking.   Am I just moonlighting as a wife?

When I last talked to The Honey (I believe it was a Wednesday in October) he told me a secret.  He was recounting conversations he had had with some ladies he knew.  He mentioned that in all the conversations he had with them, they had never mentioned their husbands.  They talked about their jobs.  They talked about their kids. They talked about their chiropractor appointment or the remodeling of their garage. But they never mentioned their husbands.  To be fair, The Honey wasn't sure if they were even married.   But it struck me. The husbands.  They need to be spoken of.

You see, for those of us who are mamas we are all facing this battle.  This constant pull and tug to keep our attentions on our children.  And for good reason.  There are very few things that show the gospel as much as a mother caring for her young children.  They are helpless and can do nothing to reciprocate the love and attention she gives to them.  The midnight feedings, the temper tantrums, the potty training.  All a one sided love.  The gospel in real time.

And why do we do it?  Because we love.  We want these Apples of our Eye to grow up confident and sure and wise.  We want them equipped to serve and succeed.  Even if you are not a Christian, you are a parent. And as parents, we all want these things for our children.  And for a while now we have fallen into the trap that tells us to pour our whole lives into our children.  To give them everything of ourselves.  And in the end they will see how special they are to us and channel that into being productive, thoughtful human beings.

And that, my friends, is where we have been led astray.  We move parenting to our full time day job and begin moonlighting as wives.

I'm going to tread lightly here, but can I have your ear for a minute?  When we pour our whole motivation for living into our children they will, in the end, believe that their whole motivation for living must be themselves.  When our day is scheduled around serving and taking care of them, they might begin to believe that this life is all about them.

I know this is hard.  And please please please don't think that I am saying we should put our children on the back burner.  Quite the contrary.  I am a fan of turning off the iphone and the FB and the blog and playing a game with our kids.  Or reading a book together.  Or learning more about their best friend.  I think we should constantly be talking with our kids.  Speaking truth to them.  Giving wise counsel.  Hearing their concerns and worries.  It's a high calling to be a parent.  And one that should be taken so seriously.

But women, can I say something to you for a minute?  Let's not forget the husbands.  I know you are pulled. I know dozens of people are needing things from you.  Every day.  All day.  I know the paycheck has to be earned and the laundry has to washed and homework has to be checked.  I know when nothing is scheduled on the calendar we still have to mow the yard and get the Christmas tree up and scrub the toilets.  I know at the end of the day in the 10 minutes you have together it is difficult to hear him complain about another difficult coworker or the weather that just won't cooperate.

Loving in the loneliness...or the business...or the ordinary.  That, too, is the gospel in real time.  Because nothing preaches the gospel to our kids better than seeing two imperfect people loving each other.  Giving of themselves to build the other up.

Do you want your children  to feel secure?  Then love their father.  Do we want them to be forgiving?  Then overlook his dirty underwear on the bedroom floor.  Again.   Do we want them to be selfless?  Then have them watch as you tenderly dress his battle scars from a hard day on the front lines.

I know.  You've probably already checked out at this point.  I know I probably sound archaic and repressed to some of you.  And that's okay.  Really.  I don't expect everyone to agree with  me on this.  Because I know some of you are coming from another place.  A husband that left.  Or just as difficult, a husband that rejects and balks at love you've shown.  I don't know those places.  But I do know loving in the loneliness and the hopelessness and the ordinary.  It's a hard love.  One of grit and blood and tears.  But it can be beautiful.  And it can be the source of the joy and wisdom and security we have been wanting for our kids this whole time.

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

 

Matthew 5:14-16

Feeling Festive

First, I need to write this down so I don't forget it.

We were on our way home from the church, lunch, groceries, Lowe's marathon day of fun when the kids started talking about cars and their favorite cars and if they had their favorite car what they would have written across it.  Here were their choices:

Ninja:  I put the fun in funeral.

I don't even know what that means.  Honestly.  Not a clue.

Sweet Yahoo:  Hot Princess

What? 

Little Middle:  Jesus Christ is My Lord and Savior.

Suck Up.

Baby:  Tooty Toot

Of course.  Tooty Toot.  Seriously, what else could it be?  

Okay.  That's it.  I just needed to get that down before I forgot how funny my kids are.


In other totally eternally insignificant news.....I'm already planning for Christmas.

I like to be prepared and get all my gifts early because I hate the feeling hanging over me that I have stuff to get for people.

But last night I spent, no lie, 2 hours cleaning out a room shared by two little moochers and decided that we are going to do something different about Christmas presents this year.  For real.  I refuse to be featured on Hoarders.

I had already decided we would take everyone to a Toby Mac concert in December and count that toward their Christmas bonus ;)

Toby Mac, y'all.  Can't wait!

So now I am looking at getting them one more item.  ONE!   Considering they have several grandparents that give them repulsive amounts of stuff, I thought we'd embrace the minimalist mentality and get them one gift a piece or one large item the whole family could use.

So...I'm asking for your suggestions.

Let's try to avoid being this guy this year.  

What has been one Christmas, birthday, Arbor Day, whatever gift you have gotten for a kid that you did not ultimately regret?   One that they got hours of play time with.

And because I am desperate I thought I'd offer a little giveaway with this one.

Target, anyone?

I thought a small gift card to Target might help fill some stockings for a lucky reader.

I do love my readers.

Just enter below.  You can can leave a comment or share the blog link on your Facebook page.  Or both! Either one will get you entered.  And remember....make sure you leave your name on your comments!  I'm not as omniscient as I like to think I am ;)

Good luck!



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If You Give A Mom Some Children

If you give a mom some children, she's likely to love them to pieces.

And to show that love she'll stay up entirely too late to rock them and say prayers and fold their insane amount of laundry.

And as she folds the laundry she'll find the invitation to the birthday party her daughter is to be at tomorrow.

She'll realize she'll need a present.

So she'll run frantically around the house in search of a something worth regifting.

When she realizes she has nothing but junk, she'll stuff a card with some one dollar bills and a Kohl's coupon.

When she gets to the party she will see a friend from high school.

The friend will be tall and blonde and size 4.

The mom will decide she needs to start her diet.

Then she eats a piece of cake.  And carries a piece home for later.  She will say it is for her husband.  It is not.

When she gets home she will have to feed the other 4 people that live with her.

She will whip up something spectacular with cheese on top in under 30 minutes.

3 of the 4 will complain about the food and leave half of it on their plates.

After dinner she will do the dishes for the 3rd time that day and sweep up the repulsive amount of food her animal-like children 'accidentally' dropped on the floor during dinner.

After the dishes, she'll have to find all the children that ran and hid instead of helping clean the kitchen up.

She'll decide to bathe them.

They will cry and run away because they hate baths.

She will chase them.

This works up a sweat.  Which reminds her she hasn't had a bath today.

After the children are clean she will take a shower.

In the shower she will see herself naked.

Which will remind her she is not size 4.  Like the blonde friend from high school.

Which will remind her of her diet.

Which will remind her of the piece of cake she brought home from the party.

She will tell herself to just hold it together through tucking the kids in because cake is on the way.

When she gets back downstairs she sees that her husband has eaten the cake.

Then she will silently commit murder in her heart.

When she's finished with that bloody mess she has just enough energy to pick up the 100 kazillion toys left out.

She decides to take the 952 Lego men she has found back to her little boy's room.

While she's in there, the little boy will wake up with a stomach ache from all the candy he snuck and ate after dinner.

She will go to him and brush his hair back with her fingers and rub his back.

She will be thinking of all the dirty laundry and dirty floors.

As she is planning her cleaning schedule, the little boy will ask her to stay longer.

And she will. She will forget the dishes and laundry and Legos.

And instead, she will rock him to sleep and whisper some prayers.

Because if you give a mom some children, she's likely to love them to pieces.

Check One, Two

Check one, two.  Check one, two.  Is this thing on?

I know.  It's been a while.   But I've been waiting around for something profound to say.  And alas.....nothing.  Not even an inspirational quote.  Just random silliness by dopey Yahoos and other fun stuff that keeps my life delightful.

So my motto is this:  When you have nothing profound to say, tell a good Yahoo story.

So here goes....

Tonight we have just finished up dinner.  I love dinner.   Together.  The six of us.  Recapping our day.  We tell stories.  The funny things, the good things, the disappointing things.  Thankfully, today there were no disappointing things.  That is usually the case for Tuesdays.  Tuesdays are CC days and my kids are loving CC.  So we get to hear lots of great stories about class and other kids.  It's a good ol' fashioned gossip session disguised as 'quality time.'

I have no idea how the subject came up, but someone brought up the questions they would ask their would-be spouse before they were engaged to know if they were 'The One.'  Their choices were....original.


Ninja.

#1.  Are you a Christian?

    Yes, Lord!  And amen.  This kid is thinking straight.

#2.  Do you like Reese Cups.?

    Reese Cups should always be a close second behind Jesus.

#3  Are you a Reds fan?

    Actually that's not a unreasonable requirement.

Little Middle

#1.  Are you a Christian?

     I have a feeling he felt guilted into this one.  But I'll take it.

#2.  Can you cook chili?

      Way to think practically, young man.

#3.  Can you cook lots of chili?  Like my mom?

     Um, no sweetheart.  She can't.  Just stay here with me, God love you.


Sweet Yahoo

#1.  Are you a Christian?

      OK, now I know they can't all be this angelic.  Except this child.  She actually is angelic.

#2.  How many kids do you want to have?

    12?  Please let 12 be the right answer!  Don't even consider a man that says less than 8, because we all know you can talk him into at least 2 more than he thinks he wants right now.

#3.  Am I pretty?

     This is important, Sweet Yahoo.  If any man even for a minute says anything less than that you are  by far the most gorgeous creature man has laid eyes on, he is not fit for you.  Period.

#4.  Am I sexy?

Beep, beep, beep.  Let's back this truck up for a minute.  SEXY?  What?  How do you even know this word?  I have forgone cable for 8 years to keep these profanities away from your virgin ears.  Blast you, Justin Timberlake, for bring sexy back.

#5.  How much money do you plan on spending during our life?

  This is apparently her father's genes coming out in her.


Baby.  He only had one.  But it is honestly probably the most crucial thing a man needs to know about his woman.

#1.  Do you tooty-toot?

Sweet Jesus, we come to you now to pray for Baby's wife.  Because, Lord, this woman is going to need you in a way that no woman has ever needed you before.


Needless to say we sensed this was a good time to wrap up dinner time conversations.

But as this crew ran outside and left the table for me to clear and the dishes for me to wash, I was grateful. My offspring make me so happy my teeth hurt.  But I wasn't only grateful for me, but for them.  Because kids these days have it rough.  Not my kids.  My kids' lives are cake.  But most kids.  Most kids don't have two parents to sit down with at dinner time, much less two parents who are punch-you-in-the-gut in love with each other like The Honey and I are.  Most kids are worried about their parents' divorce or their bank accounts.  And some kids try to listen to their teachers but can't hear them because of the rumblings in their stomach or the aching in their hearts.  There is no one to listen to their disappointments or even what they did at recess.  Do they even still have recess?  Is that just a homeschool thing?

I digress.  So tonight I sigh a grateful prayer as I usher my Yahoos up for baths and bed.  Thankful for the love that is being cultivated in this home.  I guess that's a pretty profound thing after all.

For this reason I kneel before the Father, whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Eph 3:14-19

   

The Ol' Ballgame

We surprised the kids with a trip to their first MLB game Saturday.

We had The.Best.Time!  Everybody got a little bit of something they liked.  The Honey, 2 big boy Yahoos, and I enjoyed the game.  Sweet Yahoo enjoyed a snow cone.  And Baby enjoyed 4 hours of ipad games.  (Thank you, Apple, for your incredibly expensive, ingenious products that keep parents sane and children mind numbed for uncanny periods of time.  I promise to buy stock in you when I am rich and famous.)

Besides enjoying the atmosphere of a beautiful sunny day at the park with 40,000 other loyal Reds fans, it was Joe Morgan Weekend.

We got to see Morgan, Bench, Rose, Perez, Geronimo, Foster, Griffey, and Concepcion.  The Great Eight!  No lie, it brought tears to my eyes.  And I never even got to see these guys play.  But just the history and legacy of great ballplayers all on one field.  It was really awesome.  My kids didn't understand it, but they appreciated it.  Which is all I could hope for.

Morgan throwing the first pitch to Bench.  All the other guys took their place on the field as well.  Awesome!

And then, on top of that the Reds pulled out the win in the 10th!  Hua!


AND THEN....on top of that.....we left the park and got to eat Steak n' Shake. Holla!


Ball, burgers, and a brownie sundae.  That, my friends, makes for the most excellent day!

A Word For The Weary

I'm trying to be intentional this year about exposing the Yahoos to more culturally diverse themes (ie  music that isn't off Disney Channel). 

So yesterday they worked on a drawing lesson that had them draw a picture upside down.  It helped them to focus on the elements of drawing rather than just trying to copy a picture.  It was a lot of fun.  But while they were working I was reminded of a artist I saw at a conference a few years ago.  He was so incredible!  I loved watching as he worshiped through his art.  If you have 5 minutes watch him as he works

**Please note....I couldn't get the video to play on my ipad, only my PC.  If you are reading on a tablet here is the link  you can click that will take you there.  **


That gives me chills.  Jesus shows up in all mediums of life.  Even the upside down ones.

I've been talking with a lot of moms lately.  Some of them whose own medium of life is turned upside down from weight of this cursed world.  I've been that mom before.  All twisted and knotted up, not being able to see up from down.  It's a hard place to be.   And if you are one of those moms I'd like to offer an encouraging word to you.

Worship.  Keep worshiping Him.   In song and dance and word and deed and tearful prayers. In your joyful hope and patient endurance.  And then, at just the right time, he will turn that twisted tangled life right side up again.    And the world will get to see the masterpiece it so desperately needs.  Christ written all over your life.

Let's pray for each other this week, moms.  Let's keep doing this thing with the great anticipation of the Glorious Tapestry that is to be revealed!


To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.

He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ.  To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me

Colossians 1:27-29

The Discomfort Zone

A few weeks ago I posted that we would be starting something new this school year called Classical Conversations.

Well, last week was our first day.

It went something like this:

I planned for weeks and made 1737 lists of what I needed to bring and do and make copies of and pray about and drill into my kids skulls.

The night before I bathed everyone by 4:30 pm and had them in bed by 7:00.  We are not accustomed to this thing called 'getting up early.'

The day of went smoothly.  Up by 6:00.  Breakfast.  Check.  Teeth.  Check.  Shoes.  Double check.

I like to believe we looked a little something like this heading out the door.

. 
And by the time we finished with our day my Yahoos had learned stuff.  And had fun.   Hua!

And me? 

I was pooped.  I am obviously not wired for this thing called 'real life' where women get up early every morning, have it all together, and go out into the world to do their hard work for 8-19 hours then come home to put a meatloaf on the dinner table. 

This woman seems to understand where I'm coming from.

But as tired as I was, I am so glad to be doing it.  My kids love it.  I love it.  The families there are wonderful.  This thing oozes with awesomeness.  I love awesomeness.

But I can tell you right now what I'm going to struggle with the most during this year.  The pursuit of excellence. 

I don't know about you, but I find myself only getting involved in things where I feel capable and confident.  But lately I have come to realize that if I selectively choose to spend my time and energies on areas that I feel I am already developed in, I am limiting myself.  Limiting my opportunity for growth and maturity. More importantly, I am limiting God's working in my life.  God's ultimate goal for me is not to make me look good. Quite the opposite.  God's design is to make much of Himself through my otherwise insignificant life.  He loves working contrary to the world's equation for success.  Scripture shows time and time again how God chose to use the outcast, disqualified, speech impaired, weak, ignorant, unimportant, and unskilled to display his glory.  Not THEIR glory.  His glory. 

Which makes me think of this:

Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe.  Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom,  but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles,  but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.  For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.
 Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth.  But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.  God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.  Therefore, as it is written:  Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”

                        

 1 Corinthians 1:20-31

This thing is not about me y'all. 

God wants to work in us, through us.  I've just got to stop allowing God to use me only when it is convenient. Or when I think it might make me look good.   He must increase, I must decrease. 

So I'm praying I shift my thinking this year.  That I will be less task oriented and more relationship oriented.  Serving over striving.   To be less concerned about looking good and more about being good.  Even if that means getting out of my comfort zone. 

Keep Calm and Love On

I'm not sure why I blog.

At first I thought it was to write down the day to day happenings of our crazy clan so that I could remember who we were when I'm old and left all alone because all these kids that I've poured my life into have gone on and found new lives and new families and have forgotten all the countless hours I poured into them cooking and cleaning and praying and playing and only come home for Christmas every other year  rocking the grandbabies.

And then I thought it was for me.  To help etch in my brain the lessons and blessings God was working in my life.  A virtual altar to the Lord, if you will.

I've been thinking a lot about legacy lately.  I have these grandparents, for instance, that are pillars to this faith of mine.  And I want to tell and retell their stories down the generations.  Because people need to know them.  Even if they can't meet them in person.

And I want to tell our story.  This family's stories.

Even the crazy ones.

Like Baby asking everyone if they want him to moon them.  And then he does.  Even when they say no.

I didn't have a picture of him mooning.  You're welcome.  But I love a good fit-throwing picture. 

Or like that time we were all in the van and to reprimand Ninja someone for spraying the Febreeze in his brother's face, The Honey picks up his own bottle of Febreeze and starts shooting it at the culprit like it's an Uzi.  And all the time I'm on the phone to some poor soul who is having to listen to the blood curdling screams and me snapping my fingers in everyone face and mouthing 'You better cut that our right now or pray to the Baby Lord Jesus to rescue you.'

And maybe even the more serious ones.

 Like trying to answer the age old question to my 10 year old about how can God be all sovereign and all good even though he chooses to let our sweet Cocoa die. And sometimes a 'Trust and Obey' and holding him close to the chest while he falls apart is all I have to offer.

Or helping Little Middle find his place in this world.  Not the oldest.  Not the youngest.  Not the only girl.  Lost in the Little Middle.  Watching him struggle to feel important and set apart.  And all I have to offer is a 'You can do it' and 'You're loved in the most special way' and silent pleads of  'Love on him, Jesus.'

The more I write and read back through what I've written the more I realize how I rarely have answers to offer.  Life is sticky and complicated with a twist of belly laughs thrown in.  And I am just a simple minded girl.   Not wise according to this world's standards....or successful....or awesome.

No, I am certain my legacy won't be laced with profound answers to life's most philosophical problems, or a reputation that is above reproach, or speech that was always graceful. Or awesomeness.  All I can hope for, all I really aim for, is when people look back over the course of my life they will see that apparently Jesus is a friend of sinners, even this one.  And that he lavished me, ravaged me with His love to the point that all the days of my life I was able to keep calm and love on.

That's it. To love on.  When life is hard and the ones I love reject me....love on.  When the bank account is empty and there seems to be no help in sight....love on.  To those who have hurt me or are undeserving...love on. 

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine.

Baby Turns 4

This is Baby.

 And today he turns 4.


I guess it's time to change his name.  Because there is not much baby left in him.


Because he's old enough now to brush his own teeth and make his own bed and say his own prayers.

And God knew what he was doing when He gave him to me last.  Because I'm old   more experienced now and  too tired   have better perspective on how to deal with his crazy handle his mischievousness.


Because Baby, he's a force of nature.

He doesn't stop moving, doesn't stop talking, doesn't stop thinking.


I have to force this child to sit down and watch tv because he is too busy to let life pass him by.


Because Baby, he's full throttle.


He's all about climbing trees and chasing fireflies and beating up his brothers.


And most days he still squeezes the cat.


And the frogs.


But aside from all the grit and grime and chaos and reptiles he brings into this house, Baby is the ray of sunshine I need at the beginning and end of every day.  His tiny hands on my face and sweet head on my shoulder are all I need to help me regain some calm to an otherwise crazy day. 

Every day, Baby, you tell me hundreds of things you need from me.  Another cup of milk...some chicken noodle soup....help turning up the ipad.  But the truth is, Baby, I'm the one that needs you.   God knew I was starting to take life too seriously so he brought your beautiful self into my life right in the knick of time.  And you, my child, make me smile.  A big, goofy, dopey Gomer Pyle smile that I can't seem to wipe off my face. 

I love you, Baby.  And I'm praying for you.  I pray that you grow up strong and humble and wise and grateful.  I pray that God's glory is all over your life.   I pray that He overwhelms you everyday.  I pray that your eyes will be open to see His workings in and around you.   As you learn your letters and long division and how to drive and take your SATs and that first year of marriage that can be a little sticky and those first few weeks  years  decades as a daddy when you have no idea what you're doing and are so sleep deprived you can't think straight.....I pray you let Him work in you.  Shaping you and transforming you into what you were designed for all along.   Christ in you, the hope of glory.

Happy Happy Birthday, beautiful Baby.  I hope it's a Gomer Pyle smile kind of day for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Do Over

Yesterday was just not my day.

I told The Yahoos we were going to have school.

Sighs and grumbles.

I had to give out the dreaded 'write your multiplication tables to 20' discipline. 

Daggers aimed straight at me.

I made Baby take a nap.

Kicking and screaming and whining.

It looked something like this.  Only this was two years ago.  So he is exactly the same size, except his fits are much more intense. 

I made ham sandwiches rather than chicken noodle soup for lunch.  I couldn't find the toy that someone else lost.  The new email address I came up with for myself didn't suit someone's fancy. 

Fail.


Fail.


Fail.

Today, my little world stood up and shook its collective fist at me. 


And what did I do?

Well, I wanted to do a lot of things.

I wanted  to make them watch as I ate all the candy I had pilfered from them and stashed in my super secret hiding place (the bottom of the vegetable box in the fridge.  Shhh.  Don't tell)  while they ate the vegetables.


I wanted  to make a list of all the housework I hate doing and make them do it while I watch Disney Channel.  Just for the spite of it.  Not because I like the Disney Channel.  Except Good Luck Charlie.  I do kind of like it. 


I wanted  to make them kiss each other on the lips while I took a picture and sent it to all their friends.  Because Lord knows they have embarrassed me in front of mine. Over and over again. 

But I didn't.  I managed to have a little self control. 

I did eat some chocolate.  But not in front of them.  I did make them do more chores, but nixed Disney Channel.  And I did make them kiss.  But no pictures.  This time.


Is this my proudest moment? 

No. 

Is it my most shameful?

Regrettably....no. 

But I am happy to report that today was a new day.

A day where I heard a few more thank yous and a few less sighs.  Where tickles replaced screams and hugs replaced punches. 

A day full of do overs.  And I love me a good do over.

Playing Pretend

I don't know why I don't frequent the library more than I do.

Maybe it's the 30 minute drive there.

Or the fact that my library card acts more like a credit card.  Thank goodness I don't have a car payment.  I'm not sure I could afford that and paying my library fines.

But both of our local  libraries are so wonderful.  Especially the children's sections.  I love watching  the little ones play with the puppets while Ninja surrounds himself with as many books and possible.  That kid would literally prefer to be reading than anything else.  Have I told you he read all of the Narnia series this year...all of them....twice?

So I took The Yahoos and the niece to the library today.  And on the way home we popped in an Adventures in Odyssey.  As we listened I heard one of the characters talk about how it was normal that his teenage daughter was dressing and acting like her friends.  That kids her age imitate one another.

And I started thinking.

I think we might not outgrow that imitating thing.

As adults I watch as we imitate Pioneer Woman or Money Saving Mom or the fellas of Duck Dynasty.  Of course, I don't think there is anything wrong with that.  My waist line shows I've imitated Pioneer Woman one too many times.  My checkbook shows I should be imitating Money Saving Mom more.   It's good to follow the example of those that have something to teach and learn from those who have gone on before us.


But I have to confess that too many days I distract myself with imitating others over Christ.  I keep trying to live a life that has been carved out for another.  To walk a mile in someone else's Jimmy Choos when my feet are more tailored for Justin boots.  That game of pretend I play with myself only leads me down a trail of frustration and failure.  Because when I try to be something other then what is intended for me, it becomes all about me and what I can do.  My image.  My reputation.  When all along all God really wants me to do is to live a life of love to those in my circle of influence.  So that it becomes all about Him.  And what He can do in me.  His glory.  His story. 

 

 

Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.  Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.

 

Ephesian 5:1-2

NLT

 

 

 



 

 

 

The Honey's Last Day At The CIA

Well it's the moment we've all been waiting for.  Well, at least it's the moment THIS family has been waiting for.  You probably couldn't care less.  Regardless....The Honey is retiring from his post at the CIA today.

His new mission, if he chooses to accept it, is to solve the world's problems by day and grow corn and beans by night.  All from the comfort of his 1st floor office in this farm house we call a circus home. 

And I couldn't be prouder of this man. 

Not just for having the courage to take on a new job.  Because lots of men do that.

And not just for turning his heart towards home and believing that his work here stores up eternal investments.  Because some men do that.





One child was so beside himself with emotion that he couldn't compose himself in time for the picture.  And also, don't be hatin' Little Middle's mismatched pajamas.

Nope, the bulk of my pride lies in the fact that he refuses to be a slave to complacency and comfort. 

Complacency and comfort.  Two definite strongholds in my life.  But not The Honey.  The Honey...he's got drive.  I'm sure Kanye had him in mind when he pinned his immortal words:

He got that ambition, baby, look in his eyes
This week he mopping floors next week it's the fries

 

 

Doesn't that sound just like him?

 

This man of mine is so good to get out of his comfort zone and work hard in his pursuit of excellence.  In whatever he does he truly does want to do his best.  From farming to fathering, he settles for nothing less than 110% from himself.  I admire that so much.  Because we are all fairly familiar with my tendency toward mediocrity.  And how as a child I would always request that they hand out 75% awards, because 110% seemed awfully demanding. 

 

I can't tell you what this next season in our lives will look like.  But I'm excited.  Excited for him.  Excited for his kids.  And excited for me.  Because honestly if he is working from home now maybe I can squeeze in a nap twice a week. 

 

We shall see.

 

Well done, Honey, on eight years of hard work, persistence, and excelling at your work.  I can't wait to see what God wants to do through you in the years to come. 

 

 

 

 

My Death Crawl

This morning I managed to get in a workout.  I have to be pretty desperate to get up early to sweat.  My body doesn't usually look alive until after lunch.  Regardless, I pulled myself out of bed and went down to the dungeon to sweat it out for a few miles.  To help me forget the pain  make the time go by faster I stuck in an oldie but goody....Facing the Giants.  I'm a sucker for feel good sports movies. 

 

And I love how God can use something so ordinary, something we've seen or listened to a million times, to say something new and fresh to us.

  

I have to admit that lately I have been struggling.  Weary and worn and worrisome.  My attitude has been less than pleasant.  I've been focusing a lot of my circumstances.  Task oriented, not relationship oriented.  You know the drill.  And most of it centers around my occupation....Motherhood. 

 

I'm going to be real here for a minute.  There are days this job is hard.  Where I feel outnumbered and out of ideas on how to control this circus I'm running.  And I had those days this week  month.  I felt defeated.  Before I got out of bed in the morning I had decided it was going to be a bad day because I knew I was going to have to face whining kids, or referee more arguments,  or answer the same questions about size and strength and girth of all the Avengers that I have answered for the past 176 previous days. 

  

So there I was this morning. Trying to escape from my calling.  When Jesus up and showed up in the middle of a movie right as I was crossing the 2 mile marker on the elliptical machine.  Take a watch and see if  you find Him.

  Some days I wish I had a coach to walk beside me and scream in my face.  Most days I do have someone screaming in my face.  But he is 3 and small and too demanding.  Not the coach I'm looking for.  No, I wish I had someone screaming at me not to give up  To force me to do my best.  To leave it all on the field.  Some days my Still Small Voice needs a megaphone.

 

And I know when I get to that point....when His voice is drowned out my by self-pity....that He hasn't stopped coaching.  I've just stopped listening.

 

The grand total weight of all my children is 160 lbs.  And like Brock doing his death crawl, I am carrying these Yahoos across the field....hopefully to the end zone.  And just like Brock, I am blindfolded.  I can't see the hurdles I am going to have to eventually cross of how much longer I have to go.  All I have are these hungry souls clinging to me and the Holy Spirit coaching me on.

 

So today I am putting my game face on.  That, and singing this hymn:

 

I need thee every hour, most gracious Lord

No tender voice like Thine can peace afford

 

I need thee every hour, stay Thou nearby

Temptations lose their power

When Thou art nigh

 

I need thee, oh, I need thee, every hour I need Thee

I need thee, I need thee, I need Thee every hour 

Bringing It Home

Girls and boys.  I have hopped on this train called Crazy Busy Life and it is a nonstop ride.    We quit school in May so we could creep out from the basement school room to get a glimpse of some sunshine and fresh air and pollen.  Lots and lots of pollen.  I will not go into all the maddening events that we filled our calendar with.  Because I know you know.  Because you are doing the same thing.    But I will touch on a few highlights of the past month.

Holiday World.

Waterslides.  Roller Coasters.  Friends.  Enough said. 

This is the only picture I have because we were too busy having crazy fun.

This place is awesome.  It is close enough that we go up and back in a day. It's a full day and we are all dead dog tired the next, but it is worth it.  Tickets are reasonable.  And we took along another family and some other kiddos to get us up to a party of 15, which allowed up the group rate.  Hua!



Classical Conversations Practicum.

You might be asking yourself  'What the heck is Classical Conversations Practicum?'  To which I would reply...."An intense 3 days where I get up at 5:30 every morning, pile my Yahoos in the car and drive 1.5 hours to learn how to teach my children classically. "

I won't go into what teaching classically means.  If you have absolutely nothing else to do or you are trying to find a reason not to do the dishes, you can click here to read more about it.

But practicum was a highlight of the month not only because it was 3 hard days, but also because it was the beginning process in our family as we begin Classical Conversations next school year.  CC, as it is called, is a community of homeschooling families that support each other as they teach their kids a solid foundation. 

What I love about CC is that they tie all of what their doing back to Christ.  Their whole mission is to know God and make Him known.  So the point of learning something isn't just to know a lot of information, but that we find truth and beauty in that knowledge, which leads us to a deeper love and gratitude to the Truth and Beauty.  After that we can learn to share His goodness with those around us.  And that is a beautiful thing.   Because it gives a strong purpose to my days when the days are long and hard.  And when the kids just don't want to do another multiplication table and they ask what the point of all this is, I can let them know that God is in math and in history and nouns and adverbs and cursive copy work.  Yes, even  cursive copy work.

What I hate about CC is accountability.  Because I hate accountability.  There, I said it.  I  mean the idea of having people around you, supporting you,  helping stay on the straight and narrow....it sounds good.  But actually doing that....well, it's less than comfortable.  And I love comfort.  I've been doing this homeschool thing for 5 years now.  I've gotten into my groove.  And if there are days I don't feel like doing all of our spelling words, I wouldn't.  Because I had this completely misguided idea that I had to answer to no one.  But I was wrong.  Because I do answer to Someone when this day is said and done and I do need others around me to help me and my Yahoos do their best job.  So as much as it will challenge me, this accountability thing just might actually be what we are needing.

Still interested after my poor pitiful shout out to it?  You can check them out here. 


The Honey's New Assignment 

We all know that The Honey has loved his current post at the CIA.  But recently we have felt a prompting that he might move out of his current line of work into something equally as thrilling and covert, but more local.  Like down the hallway local.  So after much prayer and wrestling and waiting and listening The Honey decided to take a job where he will be able to work from home.

Give me just a minute while my heart takes in that last sentence.

For years I had been praying for him.  Praying that God would help change his circumstances or his ADD so that he would be more present in our home.  In the past two years I have seen God work on his heart, helping him to bring into focus the eternal over the temporal.  But now, I see He is changing our circumstances.  Literally bringing him home. 

Some people have asked if we are worried about that.  Us all being here together.  All day long.  Every day.  And honestly...yes, a little.  I am concerned the kids will see their daddy and want to be with him but can't.  And I'm worried Baby will yell 'Someone come wipe my butt!' real loud while The Honey is on a conference call.  But I know working out all those hiccups are just layers in this story that is yet to be told.

 And I am certain this story will be a good one.  Because we do love each other in this family.  And I see in our family, our culture, that children need their father more than we realize.  And I also know that The Honey being home is another way God is bringing accountability into our lives.  I'm guessing this accountability thing is really important to Him or something, because it is all up in my face these days.

There you go.  A look back at where the Crazy Busy Life Express train has taken us this month.  I'm looking forward to the destinations we reach down the road.  I just hope we get there at a slower pace.