If You Give A Mom Some Children

If you give a mom some children, she's likely to love them to pieces.

And to show that love she'll stay up entirely too late to rock them and say prayers and fold their insane amount of laundry.

And as she folds the laundry she'll find the invitation to the birthday party her daughter is to be at tomorrow.

She'll realize she'll need a present.

So she'll run frantically around the house in search of a something worth regifting.

When she realizes she has nothing but junk, she'll stuff a card with some one dollar bills and a Kohl's coupon.

When she gets to the party she will see a friend from high school.

The friend will be tall and blonde and size 4.

The mom will decide she needs to start her diet.

Then she eats a piece of cake.  And carries a piece home for later.  She will say it is for her husband.  It is not.

When she gets home she will have to feed the other 4 people that live with her.

She will whip up something spectacular with cheese on top in under 30 minutes.

3 of the 4 will complain about the food and leave half of it on their plates.

After dinner she will do the dishes for the 3rd time that day and sweep up the repulsive amount of food her animal-like children 'accidentally' dropped on the floor during dinner.

After the dishes, she'll have to find all the children that ran and hid instead of helping clean the kitchen up.

She'll decide to bathe them.

They will cry and run away because they hate baths.

She will chase them.

This works up a sweat.  Which reminds her she hasn't had a bath today.

After the children are clean she will take a shower.

In the shower she will see herself naked.

Which will remind her she is not size 4.  Like the blonde friend from high school.

Which will remind her of her diet.

Which will remind her of the piece of cake she brought home from the party.

She will tell herself to just hold it together through tucking the kids in because cake is on the way.

When she gets back downstairs she sees that her husband has eaten the cake.

Then she will silently commit murder in her heart.

When she's finished with that bloody mess she has just enough energy to pick up the 100 kazillion toys left out.

She decides to take the 952 Lego men she has found back to her little boy's room.

While she's in there, the little boy will wake up with a stomach ache from all the candy he snuck and ate after dinner.

She will go to him and brush his hair back with her fingers and rub his back.

She will be thinking of all the dirty laundry and dirty floors.

As she is planning her cleaning schedule, the little boy will ask her to stay longer.

And she will. She will forget the dishes and laundry and Legos.

And instead, she will rock him to sleep and whisper some prayers.

Because if you give a mom some children, she's likely to love them to pieces.