A Prayer of Lament

This Christmas is a somber one for me.  But in a genuine effort to experience true Advent, I'm choosing to lay bare my soul in a prayer of lament.  These thoughts are real and raw.  I don't share this for pity or to promote curiosity in our predicament.  I share to bring glory to the Most Glorious One.  To the One who entered into our sufferings.  And if the government be upon his shoulders, I'm certain he can handle the weight of my doubts.

blessings,

BB

A Prayer of Lament

They say you were named Emmanuel because you were going to be God with us. But these days I can't seem to feel you near me at all.

They say you called yourself the Light of the world....but it's hard to see you with all the darkness around me.

Hope delayed makes the heart sick, they say.   I feel that.  I feel heart sick.

Because I thought joy comes in the morning.  But with each new morning it seems there are more funerals and less weddings.  More pain and less remedy.  More sickness and less healing. 

I know this is the curse of the broken world.  I know this is the reason you came to save us.  I know that I am in between the Already and Not Yet.  Between what has been redeemed in me already and what will be redeemed  when you come again. 

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

I guess I was just hoping for another Christmas miracle here on earth.  Another Christmas where you showed up unexpectedly and gave us a glimpse of Heaven, where all the sad things will come untrue.  

Maybe I got it wrong though.  Maybe I don't understand the abundant life you promised. I'm beginning to doubt.  Not really doubt you.  But doubt me.  Doubt my understanding of you.  Doubt what I thought you came to do.  Because I know you are all powerful and you say that you are good.  But when I can't see you moving I begin to have trust issues.  

I believe, help my unbelief.

I was just hoping for some of the broken relationships to be reconciled.  For some broken bodies to be restored.  For broken hearts to be mended.

Instead, this Christmas I find us here again in the waiting of a silent night.  No real word from you on how long we will have to endure this suffering.  No promise you will relent anytime soon. 

Our hearts are heavy.  Our physical bodies feel the weight of this cursed world.  We grieve the loss of dreams that have died. We grieve so many losses.  We grieve. 

Still I wait.  I'll wait on you.  I'll wait for the words I long to hear from you.  Words of compassion.  Promises that I will certainly see your kingdom come on earth as it is in Heaven.   

I believe I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  

I believe, help my unbelief.  

So, Emmanuel, God With Us...
When all around my soul gives way, you then are all my hope and stay.