Endings

Ninja and I share a similar disdain for endings.  Especially unhappy ones.  And the ones we're not ready for.

We tried to avoid movies if we know the endings aren't pretty and tidy and with a bow on top.   Same goes with books.  I think we get too emotionally invested in the characters.  They become our friends, somehow.  An occupational hazard of homeschooling, I presume.


We don't like how anticlimactic parties and holidays are after all the food is gone and presents are unwrapped.  If we see things winding down we whip out more food or games or anything to keep the party going.

And if you've read closely you will notice that I already have heartburn over my Yahoos growing up and leaving me.

Yeah, I'm realizing I do have a problem with things coming to an end.

But then I heard this sermon by Tim Keller.  Have you heard of him?  He's a pastor in NYC.  He's great.  He's shed so much light on The Word for me over the past year.  Anyway, he was preaching on Jesus being our Alpha and Omega...our Beginning and End.   He said so many good things but the driving point that hit home with me was this:

Is Jesus the end to my means or the means to my end?

Do I use Jesus to accomplish another end that I desire or is He the ending of all that I do....is He my goal?

Sadly I confess that the I often chose the former.

What endings do I aim for? 

                                        Good kids

          good marriage

                                        safety

                          character development

All good things, mind you.  But when they are our goal they will always disappoint.

I find myself too easily satisfied. 

And too often disappointed.

When these good things are my ultimate desire I miss out on the tremendous blessing of knowing my Saviour. I settle for a surface knowledge of Him.  But the relationship that develops when we make Him our ending...our Omega....everything we strive for....far surpasses any satisfaction that those lesser things provide.

So I'm learning to embrace endings now.  Even the seemingly not-so good ones.  And the unexpected ones.  Knowing that we often find our Lord there wanting to begin a good work in us.

Catch Up

It feels good to be back in the ol' bloggin chair. Life has been busy and I've been trying to enjoy that busyness....or at least keep up with it.

Let me feel in the missing parts of the past few weeks.

#1.  A visit with my sweet friend and her beautiful baby (and hubby).

My dear friend (which we will call Lizzy) and her baby E came for a visit a few weekends ago.  We had the best time.  I loved getting to catch up on the details of her life as a new mama.  It made me miss those days of figuring out the baby's schedules and watching them tackle monumental milestones like rolling over and getting that first tooth.  The Yahoos enjoyed the visit too. Especially Baby.  He seemed to enjoy having someone smaller than him around.

The Honey and I also enjoyed double dating with Lizzy and her husband.  We had a great time.  I just wished we lived closer.  Did I mention that Lizzy was my college roommate?  Now you have a much better understanding of how patient....and kind....and scarred this lady is.


#2.  Our last Will and Testament.  Done.

Ninja inspired The Honey and I to check this off our bucket list.  ;)  OK, not really.  We had been working on this for a while and like any nosy curious boy, Ninja follows us around all day listening to our conversations, so he was tuned in to how that whole things works.  Anyway, we took all four Yahoos with us the other day.  I wouldn't say that it is so much a highlight of the last few weeks but more of a 'I crossed something off my to-do list' thing.

Have any of you guys done this?  Gotten your will ready?  It was a little nauseating.  I mean, I AM NOT afraid of dying.  In fact, some might be concerned that I look forward to it too  much.  But it's just like any trip you take.  The packing and planning for it is more of a headache than  you would like.  To feeding tube or not to feeding tube? Discussing what should happen to your stuff if The Honey remarries after you.  I assured My  Honey that would not be an issue with me.  Marriage is too hard and I am too old to try this thing over again.  Sorry to disappoint all you single fellas out there.  ;)

But it's done and I feel....good about it?  As good as someone can feel about their will, I guess.

#3.  A little alone/BFF time.

I was so so so fortunate to have The Honey and family help out with The Yahoos so that I could sneak away to Alabama for the weekend.  I am privileged to be an honorary member of their homeschool group where once a year the ladies getaway and do a little R&R.  So we gorged on chocolate, watched movies, and dug a a little into The Word.  It was fun.  But the best part was getting to have a full conversation with The BFF.  She's so wonderful.  Most of our conversations are intermittent between fussing at the kids and doing laundry.  So I loved getting to have a start to finish heart to heart with her.  Too bad they live in the wrong state.  ;)

Me.  Only cuter.  And less pathetic.

#4.  Epidemic

We are currently under quarantine for a horrific case of chest cold.  It has left it's mark on all of us resulting in bronchitis, ear infections and pink eye.  I am honestly sick of it.   I have been hacking for 3 weeks.  And I don't have that cute little meek cough that some ladies have.  My cough is big and ugly and sounds like a vacuum hose clogged up.  I am certainly hoping we get cleared up soon because......

#5.  The friends are coming!  The friends are coming!

How sad is it that my kids' best buds live 6 hours away?  But they do and so we so cherish and anticipate any visits we get to have with them.  And so this weekend we are blessed to have them for a few days.  I. Can't.  Wait.  The kids love being together.  Sweet Yahoo enjoys all the girl time she gets with The BFF's 4 daughters.  And my boys always love having someone else join in the ranks as they parachute jump off the barn.  So needless to say we are gearing up for a few days of fun fun fun!  It makes me appreciate the Duggars when I spend a few days keeping house and cooking for 13 people.  Appreciate, mind you, not imitate.

Well, there you have it.  The craziness that is my life.  My wonderful, fun, blessed life.  Now off to administer albuterol and cook a lasagna for 25!

My History of Not-So-Funny Valentines

Growing up I had a hate/hate relationship with Valentine's Day.  The impending anxiety over IF anyone would send me a Valentine (be they paper She-Ra cards, or flowers, or... diamonds) was as equally depressing as the reality that, in fact, I had not received the coveted She-Ra card.  And especially not a diamond.  Not even a cubic zirconia.


That popularity contest lingered as I got older.  I would sometimes fake bouts of diarrhea or leprosy, anything really, to get out of sitting in the classroom at the end of the school day to hear all the popular girls get called to the front desks to receive their 4 dozen exotic flowers, or their trips to Tahiti that their sweethearts of 4 1/2 months had gotten them.

I know.  I had issues.

But then I met my sweetheart and Valentine's day was a mess for a whole other list of reasons.

Namely my outrageously high expectations didn't mesh with his not-a-romantic-bone-in-his body low key personality.  So needless to say our first 15 few Valentine's Days were somewhat disappointing for BOTH of us. 

As a mom you might think that I have had some opportunities to redeem Valentine's day as I live vicariously through The Yahoos.

Yeah, not so much.

I mean we homeschool.  What kind of Valentine's card exchange is that?  And we certainly don't need another reason to make cookies and candy.  In our home Tuesdays are holiday enough for us to throw down a bag of M&Ms.  So I shamefully have to say that Valentine's Day has ranked right up there with Arbor Day in our fave holidays.

But this year I pulled myself up by the bootstraps, rolled out of bed, and slapped on some creativity.  History consisted of reading about the roots of Valentine's Day and the real St. Valentine.  We made a bouquet of marshmallow candies.  And then I threw some mod podge, glue sticks, scissors, stickers, and construction paper at them and told them to go for it.

Here's what it looked like:

SOUR!!!

My favorite is the one with the popcorn shrimp on top

Ok, there you have it.  My first attempt at making Valentine's Day a little less traumatic for my offspring than it was for me.  

Now.....what to do for Arbor Day????

How 9 Year Old Boys Celebrate Their Birthday

Some time ago The Honey and I decided to stop having 'birthday parties' for the kids. Instead we kept it in house, allowing the birthday boy or girl their choice of what we ate and a special thing we could do as a family. We've done things like taking them bowling, to the Horse Park, and swimming at Nana's. But this year we caved opened ourselves up to bringing a few of Ninja's best buds along to celebrate his 9 spectacular years with us.

So, you may ask, what does a nine year old boy choose for his perfect birthday? Well, first you start with this motley crew:

Although to be honest Ninja would probably prefer to drop 3 of these rug rats. We've hit the 'I'm too cool to be associated with my siblings' phase. I'm sure it will pass....in 20 30 40 years.


We took this crew to a bounce house to expend some energy.  It worked. They had the best time.

These two took a short break to come tattle on the other boys. 

Next...to refuel. And my boy chose the fine cuisine of.....Taco Bell.

Ugh.

I managed to swallow it down. He managed to eat 4 soft tacos. His friends and siblings and father added another 8 tacos, a quesadilla and  7 kazillion cinnamon twists. Needless to say I made the boys ride home in the truck with The Honey.

We made it home just in time to chow down on a little pie.  Peanut butter and Derby to be precise.  They were scrumptious if I do say so myself.

Have I mentioned Ninja is a little intense?

And no party would be complete for this 9 year old without the gifts.  Because that is what this 9 year old lives for.

Stuff.

I'll add that to the character development we need to work on. 

And as if there wasn't enough testosterone going on around here, The Honey said that Ninja had to arm wrestle for the gift we got him.

At this point The Honey began to worry a little that he might lose, so he distracted Ninja by pulling out a new DSI game.

Little Middle having a somewhat hard time with Ninja getting all the attention.

All in all I think it was pretty successful.

I love you, Ninja!  I had the best time celebrating with you.  I hope this was a day you will never forget.  

Lost Loves

It's been a year today since my family lost the great love of our lives.

  
We buried him on Valentine's Day.

I can still hear the flags singing their memorial song to him as they flap in the wind and Taps being played and and the soft earth opening up to receive our silent tears and his body laid to rest.

And time doesn't heal every wound.

When I close my eyes I can still hear him whistle on the way back from the barn and the sound of his boots walking up the stairs and the smell of the gravy he made for breakfast.

I cherish the memories of the last days when I got to hold his hand and feed him yogurt and look into his eyes long and deep.  And then I got up to leave and he asked me to stay longer.

I wish I had stayed longer. 

I remember the first fields being plowed after he was gone and thinking to myself  'How dare they go on without him!'

But that is what happens.

We go on without him.

Time marches on unfamiliar ground with no patriarch.  We fumble our way through planting and harvesting and lazy Sunday afternoons and UK basketball games trying to accept this new normal.


And if the pain from losing him indicates the legacy he left behind then his is the story for the ages.

And that is my plan.  To tell and retell his story for the generations to follow.  So they will know what I know.  That this 3rd grade educated, smoking since he was 5, most-comfortable-in-overalls man proved that there still can be Happily Ever Afters.
That the secrets to life are often found in tobacco patches and tractor cabs.  And that there is no place like home.

Thank you, Pawpaw Peanut, for the legacy you left behind.  I can't wait to see you again.

Ninja turns 9

This is Ninja.

Today he turns 9.

That pains me to write that number.  9.  Half way gone.

This little man is full throttle.

And scared of nothing and no one.

Which scares me a little.  Ok, a lot.

I remember so well that day he was born.  Alabama rain hitting the windows and me green as a gourd and his lungs taking their first breath.

He came out kicking and screaming and hasn't stopped since.  Just like his name might suggest. 

He has his daddy's smarts and rhythm and my smart mouth and freckles.

He's a planner.  For instance, just this week he wrote his will.  As in his Last Will and Testament.


He is quick tempered and sharp tongued.  And marches to the beat of his own really really loud drum.

Like this year when he asked for derby pie for his birthday rather than a cake.  Because he's his mama's boy.

And he's a leader.  He knows how to get things done.  Or more accurately he knows how to get other people to get things done for him.  Because he's his daddy's boy.

He's sentimental and smart.  Oh so smart.

And I've never met anyone with a memory as sharp as his.

And I hope that that memory will help remind him when his days are hard and long and things don't go as he planned or the things and people he loves so much aren't around any more that I loved him more than life.

 And that he is his daddy's pride and joy.

And that he is cut from the same cloth of great men before him that loved their family and Jesus.

So happy happy birthday, sweet Ninja.  I'm as proud as a peacock that I get to be your mama!

Now let's go karate chop something.

 

There was a Middle Aged Woman who lived in a Zoo.

Sometimes I believe with all the animal-like behavior going on in our home I could probably charge admission and at least make some money off this zoo I live in.

It's a thought.

Maybe it's the cabin fever or the extreme amount of chocolate I've been serving  myself  the crew.  But needless to say things have been somewhat crazy around here.

Aside from the regular gun-slingin' and wrestle-mania we usually have going on, the Yahoos have been particularly barbaric lately.  I mean LITERALLY climbing the walls.  These kids climb EVERYTHING.  I am constantly pulling these monkeys off the piano, the bar, the kitchen table, the sink....the barn.  Ok, you get it.

And this has been going on since Ninja was a baby.  He has always been somewhat....ummm.....full throttle.  Some might choose to medicate that behavior but I am learning to embrace it.  God obviously has big plans for this little mischief maker  rebel-rouser  firecracker.  But I won't go on about Ninja.  His story is deserving of its own post.  Which will have to wait for another day.





Even though the Middles are not quite as high octane, they still add to the mix.  They add volume.  Screams and giggles and the like.  And then along came Baby.  Shew wee.  It's probably that I've just gotten too old to deal, but this child is a maniac.  He is into everything!  Whoever wrote the book Love you Forever must have been thinking of him:

"The baby grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was two years old, and he ran all around the house. He pulled all the books off the shelves. He pulled all the food out of the refrigerator and he took his mother's watch and flushed it down the toilet. Sometimes his mother would say, "this kid is driving me CRAZY!""

So by the time I put the animals back in their cages during the afternoon for a few hours to refuel I am beat.  I have been trying to avoid the typical 2:00 pm pantry raid, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.  My most recent therapy session involved a Mississippi Mud Cake made by a dear friend.  Here is her blog link.  You MUST go to it.  She is baking through her grandmother's recipes.  It's a super sweet story.  And considering my soft spot for grandparents and my sweet tooth, this blog is a no brainer.

Look at this:

Yes, this is what I chew on during my therapy sessions while the children are resting.  And it has been masterful at helping me get my second wind for the day.  Thank you, Sugarmamma.

Back to the zoo.

Lately Baby Yahoo's favorite book is one about Noah and the Ark.  He loves me to read it over and over to him.  He loves the pictures of the animals and the rainbow.

I've been thinking a lot of about Noah lately.  Not only about his incredible amount of faith.  Faith that worked itself out over the course of 100 or so years as he built the ark, without a cloud in the sky, in full assurance that the God he worshiped was a God of his word.

But I have also thought about that part of the story that is not detailed for us.  About how Noah cared for his family during a terrifying and overwhelming year.  How did he keep himself focused on his daily tasks that were required of him without being distracted by the storm outside?  How did he care for the zoo that was entrusted to him while the world was being turned upside down outside those gopher wood walls?

And then as I read back through the story on my own I realized that God gave Noah more than a blueprint to build the Ark.  He gave him a blueprint of faith to build to help him weather the storm.  As Noah worked out his faith all those years.....cutting wood.....applying the pitch....gathering supplies... he was laying the foundations of faith for himself and his family so that when the water broke forth and the sky literally began to fall Noah and his family could have divine peace. 

I'm sure Noah was very aware of his circumstances  That the Weather Channel was not predicting rain for the whole 100 years that he was getting the ark ready.  That every facebook friend he had had defriended him long ago. And then the incredible devastation that finally ensued.  But he continued to press on...to build his home.  The word for 'rooms' in the Genesis account of the Flood is 'nests.'  I love that.  As a mama to young ones I do spend lots of time preparing and caring for my Yahoos' nests.  How do I teach them to be secure and at peace when trials come?  How do I fortify our home, our nest, so that trials buffet but never destroy? 

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

I believe that is what Noah had.  Blest assurance.  God had regarded his helpless estate and had made provision.  And still today God regards our helpless estate and has provided for us in Christ.  But more than that, he has given us everything we need to weather the storms of life.  His blueprint for our spiritual house is written all throughout His Word.  All we have to do is trust and obey.

These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on. If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock. Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit—but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock.

 "But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don't work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards." 

Matthew 7:24-27

MSG

So instead of the abundance of gopher wood to build up the ark, I can use an abundance of encouragement and instruction.  Instead of pitch to seal the cracks from water and wind I can use love that covers over a multitude of sins. And instead of nails I can use grace and mercy to hold it all together.

And now, I think I hear a monkey calling.....