Baby Turns 3.

This is Baby.

And today he turns 3.


And he is all firecracker and loose cannon and belly laughs.

And not much of a baby anymore.

I remember the middle of the night he was born.  All 2:00 am and "It's a boy!" and joy overflowing.

And since then it has been one crazy adventure after another. 

From throwing cats in the toilet to dangling off ledges this child is my nonstop Tazmanian angel. 

And soaking wet with all his clothes on he might weigh 25 pounds.  But his personality is bigger than life. 

And some days he can drive me to eat a pie.

A whole pie.

But most days I'm just absolutely  toe-curling,  bone-aching,  punch in the gut in love with this kid.

And his smile swells up in me joy unspeakable.

.
Then he flashes those green eyes at me and I melt like butter and all hope is lost. 

Great day in the morning!  This child is my weak spot. 

And  I wouldn't have it any other way.

So Happy Happy Birthday, Baby!

    Sweet Baby. 

                                                                 Sweet 3 year old Baby. 

Pencils Up

Well, much to the childrens objections, yesterday began the first day of the academic school year for our family.

**Insert collective sigh**

Yes, it does seem a little premature to start school so soon.  There is still so much summer fun to be had.  But I have learned from experience that it is very difficult to find a sub for a homeschool teacher.  So when we are knee deep into the school year and I have errands to run or appointments that I have to get to, it is next to impossible to find someone that is willing to teach my 4th, 3rd and 1st grader.  And don't forget about the almost 3 year old maniac.  Which means we have to either call that a field trip day OR strike it up to teacher inservice.  So instead of going way into the month of June, we opt to start early, miss a few days here and there, and end.....whenever we want to!  ;) 

I have been working feverishly the past few weeks to get everything prepared and I feel completely panic stricken I'm at a good place.  I struggle at the beginning of every school year with the feeling of how I am the fit everything that I want to get done into the amount of time alotted in the day.  But every year (miraculously) it seems to work itself out.  So, I am trying to remind myself that this year is no diffiferent.  So I work and plan and wait for the miracle.

I always get excited too.  I look forward to learning all the things that I should have learned the first time through school but was too busy or lazy or ADD to do.  I am such a nerd.  I think I get on my kids nerves.  But this year we are going to be covering American History up to 1815 and what kid doesn't love studying Pilgrims and the Revolutionary War and Christopher Columbus and Davy Crockett and the French and Indian War and Lewis and Clark and the Monroe Doctrine?  I'm sorry.  Pardon my nerdiness.

And, like most years, I am changing some things around and trying new curriculum.  A blessing of teaching the kids myself is I can see where they are struggling and adapt the curriculum to their needs the best I can.  So this year I switched a few things around to help them out where they were struggling.  I'm hoping it helps and that their struggles are that their teacher just stinks.  Because if that is the case the Parent/Teacher conference is sure to be grueling.  Plus I do have to answer to the Principal.  Blah!

Last year I had this idea of the school year having a theme.  Really, it was less for the school year and more for our family.  I spend lots of time praying about what God has in store for us for the year ahead as I'm doing my planning.  What He wants us to study, where He wants us to spend our time.  As I talked with the kids last year I noticed that I kept saying to them over and over that everything we were doing was for His Glory and our good.  So that inevitably became our theme.  This year, after some thought  I've settled on the verse John 3:30

He must increase, I must decrease.

In everything.  In our time, energy, words, attitudes.  It has to become less about us and more about Him.  Otherwise we are completely missing it.  Missing the point in what we're doing and why we're doing it.  

So....here we go.  This should be interesting.  I imagine I am going to have lots of um.....fun....stories to share in the weeks ahead.  And some humiliating ones.  Because I screw up.  Alot. 

Alright...pencils up everyone!

My Grief Observed

So I go to the cardiologist on Wednesday to find out where this hole in my heart came from. 

But I don't need any cardiologist to tell me that.  I already know.

I felt it forming itself in me last February when we said goodbye to Pawpaw.

What is it about grief and grieving?  It sinks its claws in you and Will.Not.Quit.  It's intrusive and relentless and silently, patiently waits until you think you have moved on and then it sinks its sharp claws in your tender heart once more. 

I had a dream about Pawpaw this week.  His eyes were bright and cheeks were full and I had my arm around him and his around me and he was talking something about farming. I was just sitting at his feet as any student of a good teacher would do. It was beautiful and precious.  And then it was gone.  And my eyes opened and it was morning.

There is something so intimate about dreaming about those that you have lost.  You get to touch them and talk with them.  It is so much more intense than the memories you recall.  After I have one about Pawpaw I feel haunted by it.  Scabs torn off a very tender, fresh wound.

I spent some time with Grannie a few weeks ago.  I can't remember the exact specifics but we were laughing over something.  A good laugh.  A good belly laugh.  But there was something in her that was painful about it.  Something in her gut that was holding her back.  Half her smile is gone without him.  It hurts to have a laugh without him there to share it with. 

At church this past week there was a man there named Barney Hulett.  He was the pilot to Army 1, the precursor to Marine 1.  He flew Presidents Eisenhower, Kennedy, and Johnson.  I thought it was such an honor to have someone like that with us and I so wanted my kids to meet him.  But I cried straight through the service at the thoughts of going over to him.  The thought of shaking this man's hand...I don't know.  It seems irrational now.  But then.  Sitting in that pew.  He just reminded me so much of Pawpaw.  And it would have been much easier to say the Amens and walk out the door.  But I did it. We did it.  We met him and his wife.  And it was a delight.  Just as anyone who would have ever walked over to Pawpaw and Grannie and met them would have been delighted. 

I have to tell you there are many deaths I've been dying lately.  Death to self, death of some friendships, death of dreams unfulfilled.  And I've been grieving them all.  It's not always easy to say goodbye, especially when what you are saying goodbye to doesn't seem to be a bad thing.  It seems to be reasonable to have to give up the things that are bad for us.  But when they are good things, good people, good friends, good jobs, good childbearing years, a good marriage we didn't want to end.  When things end that we just can't seem to make sense of.  It is hard.  And heart breaking.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalms 147:3

I've been thinking alot about the story about the Good Samaritan.  About how most of the times in my life I have been the heartless clown that passes by the helpless hurting.  Occassionally I have gotten to be the good neighbor.  But these days.  Yes these days I feel more like that other guy.  The one lying in the ditch.  The one that if I don't get the balm of His healing Word will certainly perish. 

He sent out his word and healed them, snatching them from the door of death.

Psalm 107:20

Grieving is such a terribly lonely place to be camped.  No matter how many or how close your friends or family they can't quite go with you to the deep hurting places your heart has to go to heal.  Nor are they able to endure for the amount of time it takes. 

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24

There are very few things that have consoled me over the past 18 months or so.  But one thing has.  Through all of the pain that I have endured I have definitely found myself wanting more of Jesus.  He has been my Friend that has stuck closer than a brother, my Companion of sorrows, my Healer of the broken heart.

And so, I just want to say this to you.  If you happen to be reading this and if you happen to be hurting.  If you just lost your job or your marriage or your child.  If your bank account is empty or strength is gone or your friends have left you high and dry.  I just want to tell you that though you might think you are at the end of your rope, in God's timeline this could just be the very beginning.  The beginning of a new story He desires to write on your heart and in your life.

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43:19

We Just Figured Out Blue's Clues

Is it just me or has this summer been CrAzY?!?!

Every week I keep thinking it is going to get calmer.

But I am determined that this week is the week it is going to happen.

You see, we have finally...finally...finished up baseball.  I thought we would finish a few weeks ago but we got suckered into willingly chose to be in one last tournament this past weekend.  This past weekend.  The hottest weekend in decades.  It was....eventful.  We managed to avoid a heat stroke play really hard and pull out a great come from behind win.  I was super proud of Ninja.  He didn't get a lot of playing time, but was a great teammate and supported the other players during the whole game.  He's my little All Star. 


But now that baseball is over we are trying to take time for things that we haven't gotten to do much this summer.  Like sleep.  And clean.  And get ready for the new school year.  My kids are thrilled. 

Speaking of kids not being thrilled I have to share the latest thing Baby says when you tell him something he doesn't want to hear.  For instance, if you tell him he can't have a cookie or that it's time for bed he'll say to you

'That's not the answer to Blue's Clues.'

Awesome.

And the way he says it is even....awesomer.  In his whole Donald Trump, You're Fired, kind of tone.  He truly is remarkable.  And exhausting.  And I must say that that sweet little phrase is not so cute by 4:00 pm after I've heard it 313 times.  But that's why the Honey bought me a house with a good size pantry in it.  So that when 4:00 pm comes I can grab a spoon and go hide.

Moving on.

Yes, these days are busy.  A new kind of busy.  A fun busy.  A swimming, picking beans, movie watching, playing hide and seek , swimming, cleaning out the cabinets , princess wishing, swimming kind of busy.   Take a peek.

These days we're basking in, these memories we're making.  They surely must be the good ole days.

And that IS the answer to Blue's Clues!