If You Give A Mom Some Children

If you give a mom some children, she's likely to love them to pieces.

And to show that love she'll stay up entirely too late to rock them and say prayers and fold their insane amount of laundry.

And as she folds the laundry she'll find the invitation to the birthday party her daughter is to be at tomorrow.

She'll realize she'll need a present.

So she'll run frantically around the house in search of a something worth regifting.

When she realizes she has nothing but junk, she'll stuff a card with some one dollar bills and a Kohl's coupon.

When she gets to the party she will see a friend from high school.

The friend will be tall and blonde and size 4.

The mom will decide she needs to start her diet.

Then she eats a piece of cake.  And carries a piece home for later.  She will say it is for her husband.  It is not.

When she gets home she will have to feed the other 4 people that live with her.

She will whip up something spectacular with cheese on top in under 30 minutes.

3 of the 4 will complain about the food and leave half of it on their plates.

After dinner she will do the dishes for the 3rd time that day and sweep up the repulsive amount of food her animal-like children 'accidentally' dropped on the floor during dinner.

After the dishes, she'll have to find all the children that ran and hid instead of helping clean the kitchen up.

She'll decide to bathe them.

They will cry and run away because they hate baths.

She will chase them.

This works up a sweat.  Which reminds her she hasn't had a bath today.

After the children are clean she will take a shower.

In the shower she will see herself naked.

Which will remind her she is not size 4.  Like the blonde friend from high school.

Which will remind her of her diet.

Which will remind her of the piece of cake she brought home from the party.

She will tell herself to just hold it together through tucking the kids in because cake is on the way.

When she gets back downstairs she sees that her husband has eaten the cake.

Then she will silently commit murder in her heart.

When she's finished with that bloody mess she has just enough energy to pick up the 100 kazillion toys left out.

She decides to take the 952 Lego men she has found back to her little boy's room.

While she's in there, the little boy will wake up with a stomach ache from all the candy he snuck and ate after dinner.

She will go to him and brush his hair back with her fingers and rub his back.

She will be thinking of all the dirty laundry and dirty floors.

As she is planning her cleaning schedule, the little boy will ask her to stay longer.

And she will. She will forget the dishes and laundry and Legos.

And instead, she will rock him to sleep and whisper some prayers.

Because if you give a mom some children, she's likely to love them to pieces.

Check One, Two

Check one, two.  Check one, two.  Is this thing on?

I know.  It's been a while.   But I've been waiting around for something profound to say.  And alas.....nothing.  Not even an inspirational quote.  Just random silliness by dopey Yahoos and other fun stuff that keeps my life delightful.

So my motto is this:  When you have nothing profound to say, tell a good Yahoo story.

So here goes....

Tonight we have just finished up dinner.  I love dinner.   Together.  The six of us.  Recapping our day.  We tell stories.  The funny things, the good things, the disappointing things.  Thankfully, today there were no disappointing things.  That is usually the case for Tuesdays.  Tuesdays are CC days and my kids are loving CC.  So we get to hear lots of great stories about class and other kids.  It's a good ol' fashioned gossip session disguised as 'quality time.'

I have no idea how the subject came up, but someone brought up the questions they would ask their would-be spouse before they were engaged to know if they were 'The One.'  Their choices were....original.


Ninja.

#1.  Are you a Christian?

    Yes, Lord!  And amen.  This kid is thinking straight.

#2.  Do you like Reese Cups.?

    Reese Cups should always be a close second behind Jesus.

#3  Are you a Reds fan?

    Actually that's not a unreasonable requirement.

Little Middle

#1.  Are you a Christian?

     I have a feeling he felt guilted into this one.  But I'll take it.

#2.  Can you cook chili?

      Way to think practically, young man.

#3.  Can you cook lots of chili?  Like my mom?

     Um, no sweetheart.  She can't.  Just stay here with me, God love you.


Sweet Yahoo

#1.  Are you a Christian?

      OK, now I know they can't all be this angelic.  Except this child.  She actually is angelic.

#2.  How many kids do you want to have?

    12?  Please let 12 be the right answer!  Don't even consider a man that says less than 8, because we all know you can talk him into at least 2 more than he thinks he wants right now.

#3.  Am I pretty?

     This is important, Sweet Yahoo.  If any man even for a minute says anything less than that you are  by far the most gorgeous creature man has laid eyes on, he is not fit for you.  Period.

#4.  Am I sexy?

Beep, beep, beep.  Let's back this truck up for a minute.  SEXY?  What?  How do you even know this word?  I have forgone cable for 8 years to keep these profanities away from your virgin ears.  Blast you, Justin Timberlake, for bring sexy back.

#5.  How much money do you plan on spending during our life?

  This is apparently her father's genes coming out in her.


Baby.  He only had one.  But it is honestly probably the most crucial thing a man needs to know about his woman.

#1.  Do you tooty-toot?

Sweet Jesus, we come to you now to pray for Baby's wife.  Because, Lord, this woman is going to need you in a way that no woman has ever needed you before.


Needless to say we sensed this was a good time to wrap up dinner time conversations.

But as this crew ran outside and left the table for me to clear and the dishes for me to wash, I was grateful. My offspring make me so happy my teeth hurt.  But I wasn't only grateful for me, but for them.  Because kids these days have it rough.  Not my kids.  My kids' lives are cake.  But most kids.  Most kids don't have two parents to sit down with at dinner time, much less two parents who are punch-you-in-the-gut in love with each other like The Honey and I are.  Most kids are worried about their parents' divorce or their bank accounts.  And some kids try to listen to their teachers but can't hear them because of the rumblings in their stomach or the aching in their hearts.  There is no one to listen to their disappointments or even what they did at recess.  Do they even still have recess?  Is that just a homeschool thing?

I digress.  So tonight I sigh a grateful prayer as I usher my Yahoos up for baths and bed.  Thankful for the love that is being cultivated in this home.  I guess that's a pretty profound thing after all.

For this reason I kneel before the Father, whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Eph 3:14-19