Exposed

The only thing I can say good about today is that I didn't physically abuse the children.

I have not been my typical chipper, sure-you-guys-can-see-who-can-jump-farthest-from-the-top-of-the-stairs, I-don't-mind-that-you-just-used-marker-on-the-newly-painted-kitchen-wall self.

I am tense and preoccupied and my kitchen is still being remodeled.

There is something about my kitchen in disarray that dictates the mood over the rest of the house.  Because while we're working this remodel, dust is everywhere, in every room.  And half my pots and pans are scattered throughout the main floor.  All the doors are off of my cabinets which is similar to walking around in your underwear.  You feel a little....exposed.   And I don't even want to think about the Yahoos' bathroom since it has been, ah-hem, neglected for quite some time.

My kitchen is certainly the hub of our home.  I'm sure it is for you as well.  It is where we dance and twirl and hide and seek and fingerpaint.  It houses the door that we measure the Yahoos' growth on.  It's the room where we kiss The Honey goodbye as he leaves for work.  It's where we gather together in prayer a few times a day. It's where I prepare the meals for these hungry souls needing to be fed.

The kitchen is the heartbeat and soul to the home we are building.  And when it is cluttered and messy and broken, the rest of the house seems to fall apart.

And so it is with me these days.  Because lots of things about my attitude and thoughts seem to be in shambles.  I feel disconnected from the Yahoos and impatient with The Honey and selfish about my free time.  My words are short and sharp.  And my discipline has been rooted more in me being inconvenienced that in teaching them the gospel.

I could make a list, a good long list, of all the circumstances surrounding me that promote my stinky attitude.  And it would be a compelling argument.  Infact, I have argued the case to myself many times.  When I start to feel the least bit ashamed of the glares I've been glaring or the sighs I've been sighing I begin to rationalize, justifying myself.

But a lie is a lie.  And if my Yahoos tried to feed me that load of malarky I probably would make them write 'Do everything without complaining and arguing' 25 times. 

Nope, my bad behavior has nothing to do with my circumstances.  It never does.  But it does have everything to do with my heart.  And like the Yahoos' bathroom, I have been paying very little attention to it.

Because I haven't been feeding my own hungry soul like I should.  And if we were to measure my spiritual growth lately I am sure it would show a steady decline.  I'm not gathering in prayer around a fellowship table or dancing and twirling for joy at all the wonderful things I should be thankful for.

And I do  have so much to be thankful.  Like when I get all stupid and forget my First Love so he allows me to stay all miserable until I wise up and realize my need for Him.  Or the sweet release of burdens lifted when I confess how stupid I am.  Or simply for being loved with a never ending, never giving up, unstopable Love despite my never ending, never wising up stupidness.

So just like my kitchen, apparantly I have some clean up work to do on my heart this week. 

Let's get to work.

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.

Ezekiel 36:26

 



The Yahoos Go Skiing

So this is how I approach most things in life:

I get an idea.

 

I get uber excited about the idea.

 

I commit myself and my entire family to it without thinking.

 

The time comes to execute and I get all stomach-tied-in-knots, ulcer burning, where's-the-Tums.

And that is exactly how things went down this last month over our family ski trip.

Our local 4H club was sponsoring it.  And before my common sense could say Emergency Room, I had signed us up and paid in full.

Then this weekend.

This weekend when the realities that I was going to be responsible for dressing 3 Yahoos into the appropriate attire before I voluntarily made them put death traps on both feet and push them down a 10% grade.

Let's just say that Saturday and Sunday Mama didn't sleep much.  Everytime I closed my eyes I kept seeing compound fractures and imprints of tree branches in a 8 year old's forehead and the look of sheer panic in their eyes.

And I kept telling myself The Honey that this trip was more about character development and less about developing their skill.  Because that is my go to pep talk before I do something semi-deadly.

And no lie, I really was thinking we would have a hard time working on skills because I have been skiing once before and I thought it was the absolute most terrifying near death experience I have ever voluntarily participated in  wasn't that easy.

And because I have these kids.  Like this one kid that is 9 going on 25 and thinks he knows everything because he went skiing one time 2 years ago and so now he should be a member of the ski patrol.  And then I have this new 7 year old that sees his older brother doing things and so he puts all these expectations on himself to do the same thing and do it better.  And when he doesn't he gets so down on himself and believes life is over.

And then I have this girl.

This girl that is just like me.

The one that can get all afraid of life and it's What If's and I Cant's that she misses so many opportunities.

And I swear she's just like me.  Because when I was her age and even today I talk myself out of taking life by the horns.  I talked myself out of playing ball and Junior Miss and mission trips and job opportunities because I was afraid of The Horrible What-If's and I Cant's.

And apparently I passed that life-altering disease right down to her.

Most of her life I have had to drag her through circumstances to show her that, as a great President once said,

We have nothing to fear but fear itself.

Well, that and low quantities of chocolate.

Anyway, so Sweet Yahoo had protested the entire time about going.  She didn't want to do it.  She didn't believe she COULD do it.  And I lied coached her and told her how great it was and how she would have a wonderful time.   But my gut said that the first time she saw the slope she would lock those knees and the flood gates would open and it would be a lost cause.

But like most of my life.....I was wrong.

Because Ninja listened and helped his brother and sister and Little Middle fell but kept getting up with a smile on his face.  And Sweet Yahoo.  She was beautiful and graceful.  I think she only fell twice all day.  Then once she had mastered the bunny slopes we tried talking her into going down a bigger one.  At first she cried and said no.  But then we ALL encouraged and cheered. 

And then The Honey.  Have I ever mentioned how incredible this man is? Like even though he is an excellent skiier he went through a ski lesson with me so I would feel more confident.  Or how he waits for me half way down the slope just to make sure I'm okay because he is....um...aware of my ability.  So the Honey in his big heart love for his baby girl said he would ski with her right between his legs.  And so she reluctantly agreed.  And there they went.   I hung back watching, crying, singing a new song in my heart for this little girl who is working one day at a time to rid herself of the disease of The What Ifs.



It looked a little something like this.  Only the kid was twice as large and had a ponytail.  This is the Honey with Ninja c.2009 on Ninja's first ski trip.

And when we made it back up off the ski lift we all cheered and jumped and hugged and kissed her.  ALL of us.....even Ninja!  And I have to say it is really hard to gather in a circle of 5 to love on each other when you have 5 foot skis on.  But we did.  Because we were that proud.

And then there was me.  A comedy of errors on skis.  I cannot tell you how horrible I am at this thing.  But how could I use that as an excuse when Sweet Yahoo just faced her impossible?  So I kept getting on the ski lift even though I would fall almost every time I got off.  And after 2 hours when I finally got it even the lady working the ski lift hugged me ;)  And I kept going down the big slope even though I knew I was going to hit a tree because I have a chronic case of the What If's and that was the surgery I needed to get rid of them.

I wasn't any better than I was the last time I went skiing.  Because I fell.  A lot.  But this time, as opposed to 10 years ago, I laughed.  And I kept getting up and trying again.  And it is apparent that these children have taught me how to loosen up and enjoy life.  That my worth is not wrapped up in if I master the black diamond.

I cannot thank the Lord enough for these children and this man. How he teaches me and coaches me through them.  How He has skiied life's black diamond for me so I don't have to.  How He wraps his arms around me and guides me down the slopes of this life.  How when I fall He teaches me the right way to get up.  Humbly and hungry for more of what He has to offer. 

Birthday Recap

Yesterday was a great day to celebrate a birthday.


We worshipped a little.  We rested a little.  We ate a lot.


The cupcakes I made were S.C.R.U.M.P.T.I.O.U.S.


Here's the link to the recipe I used.

Reese Cupcakes


And I'm just going to go ahead and tell you to double this recipe.  Because we totally scarfed down these things in around 37 seconds.  And it was a beautiful mess.

We played a few games and opened some gifts from very generous people. 

But mainly we just hugged and loved on that sweet boy of ours. 

So I thought I would post a few pics for posterity's sake to remember this beautiful day in the life of Little Middle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love you, Little Middle!

Little Middle Turns 7

This is Little Middle.

And today he turns 7.


He tries to act all Hulk and Iron Man but inside he's all teddy bear.

 And this year he has been busy. 



Busy losing teeth

and farming

and taking on the world.






Let me tell you about this kid.  This kid...he's a protector.  Like Michael Oher protector. Most of the time the only reason he gets in trouble is for disobeying something I said because he's trying to keep Baby out of trouble.

And Little Middle....he's sensitive.  Sensitive to others.  He's kind and patient.  He's slow to anger and loves to help.  But Little Middle....he's sensitive.  He takes everything to heart.  The harshest word breaks his spirit.  And so many times I forget that.  And my words are harsh and sharp.  And there he stands all spirit-broken. 

But Little Middle ....he's a forgiver.  And he loves me and I know it.  I know it by the way he holds my hand in church or fights to sit beside me during a movie.  I know it by the way he refuses to say anyone else's cooking is better than mine.

And he melts my heart like butter. 

He's a water dog.

And a ladies' man.

And he likes food.  A lot.

A lot of food.





And I just can't imagine my life without him.

So Happy Happy Birthday to my Little Middle.  I'm praying you keep learning to drink up this grace-filled life like....well, like a bottle of Hershey's syrup.  All sloppy and good to the last drop.

Tight Lipped

I just haven't felt like talking much lately.

Thus the pause in posts.

We have those seasons, I guess.  Seasons where we just sit back and soak everything in.  The beauty of each day.  Things like giggles and the pitter patter of feet, listening to a Dad read a silly book to his Yahoos.  Watching this man-child fence with his father --watching and learning and soaking everything up himself.

 This Christmas season was wonderful for our family.  We spent extra time working together, learning together, loving each other better.  It was good. 

And I treasured these things in my heart.

And now we begin again.

A new year, new challenges, new hopes.

I guess part of my silence recently has been pondering this upcoming year.  I have never been one for resolutions.  Maybe I just don't like the word.  It gets thrown out there too much like the words tolerance and gangum style.  After a while they start to lose their meaning.  But I have to stop letting that be an excuse to not make goals for myself.  I haven't been much of a goal setter either.  I usually just let life happen to me.  I am hoping this year that will change.  That I will be more intentional about life.  So I've been wrestling to decide what challenges and goals I should work on this year.   I'm not sure what those will look like, but I'm excited to see what this year brings about.  For myself, my family.

And the first challenge I have is to throw off one killer Avenger birthday party for one certain 7 year old boy. 

I certainly want to make this day as special to him as he is to me.    I'm looking forward to memories made and fun to be had.  And I'm certain I will have LOTS to say about that.